The Medieval Bestseller
I read it somewhere on the Internet...
Thursday, April 12, 2007

In the comments of yesterday's blog, I found myself impressed with Tyler, who said that I sounded tired in yesterday's post. I guess I was impressed because I don't think I talked about being tired, but I definitely am and it's interesting to me that people can "hear" my tiredness. The reason why I think I've been so tired lately is because my sleeping has been especially erratic. Monday night I tried to go to bed at midnight-ish, my normal time, and ended up tossing and turning for about an hour and a half, at which time I "woke" up and did other things until 3 a.m., when I decided I just had to go back to bed and pretend that I was tired so as hopefully to get a little bit of time to sleep before having to wake up at 8:30 a.m. on Tuesday morning. I actually was not tired at all on Tuesday until about 10 p.m., when I decided I should go to bed after the fiasco the night before. So I went to bed and thought I slept pretty well, but then woke up extremely tired on Wednesday morning at 7:30. You would think that the hours I slept would have not led to that consequence, but when I woke up, it might as well have been that I was wasted. All day on Wednesday all I wanted to do was go back to bed. Even at 8 p.m. I considered going to bed, but ended up pushing myself to stay up so that I could watch LOST. So, LOST comes and goes and, suddenly, it's 11:45 p.m. and I'm no longer tired. I went to bed anyway and probably was up for at least an hour before I could fall asleep. Thursday morning wasn't too bad (I suppose I awoke with my normal not wanting to wake up feeling), but then again, my schedule allowed me a little time to sleep in. I was sleepy on and off today but held off from taking a nap and now, here it is, 1:44 a.m. and I am totally 100% awake. I want to go to bed but I just can't, so here I am, sitting on my bed in my dark room with my laptop monitor and backlit keys glowing back at me.

I'm almost positive I cannot go to sleep due to the stress I am feeling right now with the close of this semester and the prospect of my future. I wonder if there is an added element to this restlessness. I usually read before going to sleep and I've just recently finished My 'Dam Life about a week ago. Although I do have some books I could read, I haven't started any simply because I feel that I'm already up too, I don't know that I'm necessarily interested in reading those books now. They might be good later, but just do not seem interesting now. I ordered some books on Amazon in what seems like eons ago (it makes me very upset because one is a gift--the whole reason I made the order in the first place, all the way back on 3/26) and am looking forward to receiving the shipment because I got a book for myself that looks interesting.

Maybe getting myself an easy book to read will help quell these sleepless nights. Something does need to be done because I find small evidences of the destruction it is doing to me. One for instance is that my typing has been atrocious lately. I can begin typing whatever I'm thinking about and my hands will begin typing the correct word, but then attach the ending of a totally different and unrelated word mid-word. Plus, I don't feel as sharp and feel like if I had something to say at dinner, for instance, that I have no idea how to go about expressing that thought.

In other news, I finished the graphic for the senior class worship service. You can read more about my thoughts and intentions on the design in the Flickr caption, but I am reasonably pleased with it. I found it frustrating, however, when searching for artwork depicting biblical scenes to find very little in diverse style or even an interesting depiction of the subject matter. I prefer artwork to be a lot more modern than Renaissance artwork (which I find to be totally boring and overdone), so it was difficult to find paintings for all of these stories, really. It made me think briefly about trying to paint biblical scenes myself, but that sounds much too hard. I suppose, though, that the spark is there waiting to be ignited.

I still haven't finished my sermon that's due on Tuesday, but I at least have a few sentences and an idea of how I want it to move and what I want it to say. I will likely post them both on my website. I've created a theological writings section that I'm still in the process of developing. There are some items up there, but it's on hold because I've obviously had a lot going on ever since I've returned from Scotland. Anyway, I will let you know when I've posted them so that you can read them if you find yourself interested.

Maybe now that it's 2:21 a.m. I should try to see if I can fall asleep. I'm not tired, per se...more anxious and weary. I'd like to have some time in the morning to try and write a little bit more before I head up to Emily's in the afternoon. She lives close to the top of Connecticut, which is about a 3-3.5 hour drive from here. It would be miserable to drive that whilst feeling tired, miserable still to get up there and feel tired and cranky. Here's hoping that I can fall asleep!

- Jenny, 4/12/2007 10:32:00 PM

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