Today is my company's white elephant gift exchange. I really like while elephant gift exchanges because you don't have to worry at all about what you bring, whereas with other gift exchanges, I get all stressed out and worry if I am giving something that the person will like. I won't say what I am giving yet, but yesterday afternoon I thought of a brilliant gift, so listen up if you haven't yet gotten a gift for YOUR white elephant gift exchange. What you should do is go in your sock drawer and take out all of the socks whose partner has disappeared (I know you still keep them) and put them in a box and wrap it very nicely.

Now I believe that there is a strategy to white elephant gift exchanges. See, I try to not open the prettiest-wrapped presents or the ugliest-wrapped presents because they are always the worst gifts. (I say try because it's really hard for me to pass up the prettiest-wrapped presents.) The prettiest-wrapped presents are wrapped so pretty as to deceive you that they are actually good presents. The ugliest-wrapped presents are wrapped so ugly because the owner just wants to get rid of the junk and figures that he won't have to take his present home, so who cares how it's wrapped? I think that the best course of action is to choose something mid-size that isn't wrapped poorly or with any sort of beautiful flair. As for the strategy for when gifts get stolen and such, I have no idea...